You Probably Shouldn’t Eat All of This House of the Dragon Food

In the greatest political upheaval this town has seen since Kathy Hochul pushed congestion pricing out of a tower window to appease her New Jerseyan overlords, eight great houses of New York City have declared fealty to one of two sides of House of the Dragon’s upcoming civil war, raising their banners for #TeamGreen (Alicent Hightower and King Aegon II) or #TeamBlack (King Viserys I’s daughter, Rhaenyra Targaryen). Even the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges have declared their allegiance to opposing dragon queens. In real life, restaurants and bars are running House of the Dragon pop-up promotions featuring show-branded menu items with #TeamGreen or #TeamBlack packaging and décor June 10–16. The houses waging war are Leon’s Bagels, Murray’s Bagels, John’s of Bleeker, Roberta’s, Ray’s, The Flower Shop, Mile End Deli, and Gray’s Papaya. They span the kingdom from Bushwick to the Upper West Side. A kingdom pulled violently atwain!

Even though I didn’t watch the first season of HOTD, it seems like one must pick sides in pop-culture wars if one wants to banter about anything (Barbie or Oppenheimer, Drake or Kendrick, Art or Patrick). But I couldn’t choose a side on vibes alone. To properly pledge allegiance and therefore have a stake in the next two months of Slack chatter, I embarked on a journey to learn all I could about each side’s fundamental essence, policies, personality, and worthiness for the throne. Not by reading recaps — or, God forbid, actually catching up on the show — but by visiting all eight of these strongholds and trying their special offerings over the course of two days. For the kingdom!

Photo: Rebecca Alter

I plot out my noble quests on a map, then it’s off to travel north on the King’s Road (C train) to my first destination for #TeamGreen. Leon’s is a bagel-and-coffee window on Thompson Street, which would be fairly nondescript if not for the giant green banner hung up next to the counter that says “LEON’S BAGELS STANDS WITH THE RIGHTFUL HEIR” in gold. Lest you think this is a leftover party decoration from Leon’s catering a bris, logos for HBO, Max, and House of the Dragon line the bottom.

Leon’s special HOTD menu item is the “Green Council Breakfast,” consisting of a “Bacon, Aegon & Cheese” sandwich and a matcha for $15. The guy who takes my order asks, “Which hat do you want?” He pulls a bunch of green baseball caps out from beneath the counter, and I go for the one that says, “Fuck dignity, I want revenge.” I’m using my powers of deduction to guess this is a quote from the series, but it sounds like a slogan on a Big Dog T-shirt taken too far. 

My order is ready a few minutes later, and I am shocked to see my bagel is green. It’s brighter than Chappell Roan green, but deeper than Brat green; it’s St. Patrick’s Day food-dye green. It’s a very solid breakfast sandwich: super-generous with the bacon, with only a tiny dab of Zab’s hot sauce, because heat = dragons? The iced matcha just reminds me that I don’t like matcha. They should’ve at least called it “Dragon’s Piss” to keep on theme. I look around, and none of the other ten or so customers are eating a green bagel. I tell the hotter of the two bagel guys that this is my first stop, and I’m going to visit all of the locations.

“You’re gonna have a shit ton of hats, then,” he says.

I walk to my next destination, thinking that if Leon’s Bagels is indicative of how Alicent would rule the kingdom, it would be peaceful, youthful, and efficient. Correct me if I’m gravely wrong.

Spice: 2/10
Value: Good!
Hats: 1

I’ve never been to the iconic pizzeria because I’m not motivated by trying “NYC classics,” but I am motivated by brand activations. The iconic neon sign in the window is flanked by two green banners: “JOHN’S OF BLEECKER FOR THE RIGHTFUL KING” on the left and a sigil on the right. I sidestep the dine-in line and order the “Vhagar’s Pie” at the takeout window. A medium is $29.99 cash or $31.16 with credit card. The pizza guy who takes my order (mid-50s, New York accent) tells me to circle back in 15 and “be sure to ask for the hat.”

While I’m waiting, I Google “Vhagar.” I wonder if the character is Italian-coded, and that’s why they paired him with pizza. Turns out, she’s a dragon! The pizza comes out in a green-and-gold HOTD box with a “Dracarys” hat on top, and oh, wow, is it a thing of beauty. The pizza is topped with mozzarella, cherry pepper, pepperoni, garlic, and red pepper, and it sports pools of red-tinged oil and charred bubbles of crust. It flops exactly the way you want a slice of promotional nerd pizza eaten over a dumpster in the West Village at 1:50 p.m. to flop. The sauce is bright, and the peppers are tangy with a heat that lingers for a few minutes after I have my slice. I toss the crust, because I still have six more Westerosi delicacies to try.

Spice: 5/10
Value: Expensive but delicious ($40 after tax and tip … for a medium!)
Hats: 2

#TeamGreen is two for two as I walk up Sixth Avenue to the first #TeamBlack outpost of the day. This Alicent must be a real class act. I see a giant black-and-red flag waving above Murray’s Bagels, where a guy out front holds samples of their special HOTD “midnight everything bagels,” which are pitch-black. This is less troubling than the green, because a black bagel is only a few shades removed from pumpernickel, whereas a green bagel is a few shades removed from the ooze that gives adolescent turtles sentience. As I wait to order, the cashier clocks my green-and-gold pizza box and gives me a very funny in-character look of How dare you show your face in here, foe?! I’m overjoyed by this. I order the “Dragonstone Delight” for $19.95, and she says, “I had a hunch.” As I look for a table, a guy runs after me and throws me a hat: black with “The Rightful Heir” in red lettering. My order’s ready five minutes later, and imagine my delight when I open the black paper bag to find ANOTHER HAT! What have I done to deserve such riches? I think to myself. There are parts of Westeros where this many hats could probably buy me a cow or a small plot of land. 

The Dragonstone Delight is a sandwich the size of a human skull piled high with “Loch Kairn Scottish Salmon,” cream cheese, tomatoes, red onions, and — this is fun — black tobiko “Dragon Egg” caviar. The sheer amount of smoked salmon and tobiko in this thing immediately justifies the price tag. It’s impossible to eat as a sandwich, because it’s simply too big, but when you think of it as a smoked-salmon platter instead of a sandwich, it’s almost a deal. Tobiko is too small of an egg to be dragon’s eggs (maybe dragon ova?), but they add a fun, savory-boba popping texture. I’m wondering why there’s no spice on this, and then it hits me: The salmon is smoked! It’s smoky! There’s something so satisfying, creative, and logically sound about spicy and smoky both signifying “dragon.” Like, you’re telling me a dragon smoked this salmon?

As I walk to the 2 train to take me up to the Riverlands (Upper West Side), I reflect on the more elderly crowd at Murray’s, the sophisticated jazz standards playing in the background, the elevated take on the generally lowbrow genre of cuisine known as “themed sandwich.” My first exposure to Rhaenyra’s camp suggests a sophisticated regime, valuing tradition and prosperity. I will not maintain this position for long.

Spice/Smoke: 10/10
Value: Good by Manhattan standards
Hats: 4

I step outside of the 72nd Street station and immediately see a limp black banner hanging outside Gray’s Papaya. When I walk in, an old-timer behind the counter points out my pizza box and goes, “Ohhhh, the green team!” I order the “Dragonstone Dog,” and the guy asks, “Only one?” Buddy, if only you knew what I’ve eaten today. At $3.25, it’s by far the best deal in the realm, so I treat myself to a noncanonical Diet Coke. The hot dog comes with “a little extra dragon heat” in the form of “a spicy jalapeño crunchy topper.” Oh, and a hat. This one, like the two I got at Murray’s, says, “The Rightful Heir.” It’s very Kendall Roy and would make a nice gift for an eldest daughter.

The small, snackable hot dog is laden with those sort-of Funyun-style jalapeños, plus it’s smeared with some of that classic NYC tomatoey onion sauce on the bun. I eat about half of it in one bite and I’m back in the 72nd Street subway station in under ten minutes, carrying a pizza box and a bag full of leftovers and hats. The Gray’s Papaya fortress provided a look at a different angle of a Rhaenyra-led realm: There is great luxury, yes, but clearly an enormous wealth gap, too. I wonder what food goes into a recession special in Flea Bottom. Someone on the 2 train to Brooklyn relinquishes his seat to me, which is very nice. Otherwise, I would’ve spilled pizza and hats everywhere. 

Spice: 1/10
Value: Excellent
Hats: 5

In Boerum Hill, I’m getting seated at an outdoor table at Mile End Delicatessen, where I meet my colleague, actual HOTD watcher Jackson McHenry. Everything I’ve eaten so far today has been some sort of dragonite spin on the core food of our kingdom: bagels, pizza, and hot dogs. But Mile End, with its #TeamGreen banner proudly aloft, is a pick out of left field: a Montreal–Jewish restaurant, which is a very specific subsection of deli. Montreal is a hot-dog town — they call ’em steamies — but Mile End’s HOTD menu consists of the “All Must Cheese” burger ($15), the “Team Green Fire Poutine” ($16), and “Valyrian Cheesecake” ($10). We order one of everything, and while we wait, I ask Jackson if the match of restaurant and team is consistent. “I don’t know if they read as Canadian to me. If anything, #TeamBlack is more Quebecois.” He tried to explain further, but honestly, I couldn’t follow.

The food arrives 15 minutes later, and the presentation is truly above and beyond. The burger has a Targaryen sigil branded into the bun with a giant steak knife stabbed into the top. The cheesecake is paired with a ladyfinger that says #TeamGreen. The poutine … is indeed green. Everything tastes good here. The burger is pink inside and is topped with crispy jalapeños. Jackson detects some heat that I don’t. The poutine is delicious, swapping out gravy for a spicy, cilantro-y verde sauce, along with smoked chicken and cheese curds. I eat way more of it than I should this far into my journey. Your mileage may vary, but I really like a saucy fry. And those Valyrians know cheesecake; the caramelized burnt sugar keeps it on theme.

I do have one note: There was a real missed opportunity in not including any Montreal smoked meat on the HOTD menu. We’ve already established that dragon smoke is as on theme as fiery spice, and smoked meat is Mile End’s speciality! At least the chicken was smoked, though.

Our server’s excitement about the whole #TeamGreen thing is infectious. At the end of our meal, he brings out three hats — one for each menu item we ordered. Nice. Jackson selects one that says “Dracarys.” The next brand activation, at a #TeamBlack keep, is scheduled for 5–8 p.m., so I go home, rest, and drop off all these hats.

Spice: 6/10
Value: $41 (before tax and tip) for a three-course meal with portions big enough for two Brooklyn-based culture writers, plus three hats! A steal, in my books.
Hats: 8

The final stop of the day, sixth out of eight, is Ray’s. By the time I arrive, I estimate there are around 40 to 50 people inside, nearly all of them young, most of them wearing black baseball caps, probably 60:40 girls. HOTD is playing on a projector screen in the back with sound off and subtitles on, and there’s a station behind the pool table where a tattoo artist is giving people permanent flash tattoos for free, courtesy of HBO — and people are actually getting them! The options include three types of dragons, two types of swords, a crown, an egg, and the word “Dracarys” in gothic font. One of them is just straight up the Ray’s logo. Note to self: Try to find where Justin Theroux has this tatted on his own body.

One bartender is complaining to the other bartender that she has a horrible headache while pouring shots for the two of them. I sympathize — we’ve all spent too much of our day in HOTD world and are feeling the physical effects — and I order the $18 “Team Black Targa-Ray-Ta.” I ask how many of these she’s made so far, and she says that the “system hasn’t updated yet. It says 120, but it feels like thousands. I know it’s been more than that. My fingers are pruning!” She shows me her pruny fingers, then tells me I have my choice of hat: “The Rightful Heir” or “Targaryen Bastard.” I pick the one I don’t already have three of. “You’re lucky! That’s our last ‘Bastard’!” The drink — tequila, lime, blackberries, and thyme — is tart, but still a bit too sweet and weak. It’s not making a convincing case for Rhaenyra’s abilities as a ruler. Plus, the tavern wenches under her governance are overworked and have a headache.

Spice: 0/10
Value: Poor
Hats: 9

Photo: Rebecca Alter

The next morning, I head out to Bushwick for the penultimate stop on my heraldic quest: Roberta’s, which has red-and-black banners outside announcing that it’s “Loyal to the One True Queen.” Bold to put up flags in Bushwick in June that aren’t rainbow, but okay. To prove its loyalty, Roberta’s offers a “Slice of the Seven Kingdoms” for $6.75. When I order, there’s one young woman already in the shop, asking if she can swap out her hat for a “Targaryen Bastard,” but it seems I’ve now got the last one two places in a row, so I offer to trade with her.

“Are people really that obsessed with House of the Dragon?” asks the woman behind the counter. “I had no idea! I’m gonna watch the show now.” A guy in his early 20s who’s about to place an order says, “I’m obsessed!” When I’m given my slice a few minutes later, more people are coming in to ask about the promotion. Aside from the bar last night, this is the place where the most people are actually here for the promotion. The Slice of the Seven Kingdoms features smoked mozzarella, Calabrian chili, basil, and Tellicherry pepper. I appreciate the intense, zippy heat of the Calabrian chilis and the extra thematic step of doing a smoked cheese, although it doesn’t have a melty texture, I don’t think there’s sauce, and the crust is too chewy. A poor final outing for #TeamBlack.

Spice: 8/10
Value: Fine
Hats: 10

After work, I head to my final destination: the second HOTD happy hour, this one hosted by the Flower Shop on the Lower East Side, representing #TeamGreen. It’s bustling, and in a first for me, I see three different people inside wearing two promotional hats — a black and a green — just stacked one on top of the other. Only one bartender is working the main-floor bar, and it’s pretty overrun, so I try my luck downstairs. The crowd is an inverse of Ray’s: 60:40 guys to girls. Everyone looks like they work in marketing. #TeamBlack had free tattoos at their happy hour and, not to be outdone, #TeamGreen has free tooth gems. Eight or nine people are lined up on the conversation pit couch past the pool table to get theirs, and the show is playing silently on wall-mounted TVs. It’s giving off the vibe of a louche dentist-office waiting room.

The bartender tells me they’ve made about 80 “Team Green Targaritas” so far at the downstairs bar, but the night is young. It’s delicious, with a big pour of smoky mezcal, fresh cucumber/lime/jalapeño juice, and “a dragon burnt lime wheel.” It’s also very strong, but the green-juice aspect makes it taste healthy. I’ve heard that they’re out of hats, but then a guy asks for one, and the bartender pulls down a box of fresh hats, so I ask for one too. It’s “Fuck Dignity, I Want Revenge.”

“Can I swap out for a ‘Fuck Dignity,’ too?” the guy asks the bartender, and rather than make her go back to the hat box, I say I’ll trade him. Folks, it’s like my fifth “Rightful Heir” hat. I walk into the subway, spice still tingling on my lips and a black and a green hat stacked on my head, as is the Flower Shop fashion, and happen to bump into two friends on the platform. I bequeath them the hats, crowning them my rightful heirs.

Spice and smoke: 7/10
Value: At $16, so much better than the Ray’s drink
Hats: 11

Photo: Rebecca Alter

After going to eight locations around town, eating a ton of very intensely carby and occasionally spicy food and drinks, and gathering many baseball caps, I am pretty confident that I am immersed enough in the world of House of the Dragon to choose which side I’ll raise my banner for. Besides flavor, one thing I really appreciated and gave points toward was when an establishment got creative with the theming and naming, rather than just saying “Dragonstone” before something. It’s a cute extra touch to say a dragon burnt a lime slice for a garnish. Immerse me! To go over the matchups:

John’s of Bleecker (Green) vs. Roberta’s Pizza (Black)
Winner: #TeamGreen

Leon’s Bagels (Green) vs. Murray’s Bagels (Black)
Winner: #TeamBlack

Gray’s Papaya hot dog (Black) vs. Mile End Deli burger ’n’ fries (Green)
Winner: #TeamGreen

Ray’s (Black) vs. the Flower Shop (Green)
Winner: #TeamGreen

I personally have to give it up to #TeamGreen. They had a wider variety of hats, more cleverly named menu items, and none of them were Ray’s (that place has dark-sided energy). Plus, my body involuntarily declared its allegiance by the end of the first day, because the dye in the Elphaba-esque Leon’s bagel made me literally poop green.

But overall, it’s a fun promotion. I liked the scavenger-hunt element of it, the over-the-top banners, and the way that a hat-trading economy had already emerged after two days. You should hit a couple of these places up if you like the show — if only for the photo op and the hat. Did it convince me to watch the show?

No. I think I just don’t like dragons that much? Maybe if it were a show about dogs or something. That would be so cute!