What Happens If You Give a Jake Gyllenhaal a Cookie?

On Saturday Night Live this weekend, host Jake Gyllenhaal played a father whose daughter brings her boyfriend home for dinner. But before dinner is ready, his wife warns him not to sneak a cookie while she’s out of the room. With the guys alone, Andrew Dismukes’s character seizes the moment to ask if he can propose, but Gyllenhaal has more important things on his mind: those cookies. “Don’t say anything,” he warns his daughter’s boyfriend as he helps himself to a cookie, “Don’t bitch out on me.” When the women return and Dismukes starts to pop the question, Gyllenhaal quickly pulls him aside, “Hey, were you about to tell them about the cookie?” he asks, before adding, “If you bring up the cookie one more time, I will kill you.” Determined to cover for his potential new father in-law, Diskmukes takes the blame for the missing cookie — despite being allergic, resulting in unnecessary panic and a violent EpiPen shot. The mouse from “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” has got nothing on Gyllenhaal.