Photo: Casey Durkin/Bravo/Everett Collection
Another season of Vanderpump Rules has ended with a three-part reunion, lots of tears, and endless podcast appearances to dissect the tears shed during said reunion. Vulture’s Housewives Institute is certain another season of VPR will appear some day, though when shooting starts or who will return remains in the air. Just like last year, Pump is taking a break from its traditional summer filming schedule, to give folks time to heal. Maybe in a few months the people who hate each other will be able to at least fight on camera, production seems to think.
But that’s the big problem with season 11 of VPR, isn’t it? What is this show if there is a complete divide between Team Sandoval (which includes Tom 2, Scheana, and Lala) and Team Ariana (Katie Maloney and Kristina Kelly if she’s avail?). James and Ally are trying to stay Switzerland, while production pretends to be neutral but is lowkey Team Tom. Meanwhile, the audience has been in Ariana’s corner all season. Every attempt by Tom, Lisa Vanderpump, and the producers to ensoul Tom Sandoval like he’s Angel from Buffy has failed with the audience. It feels like production is opposed to the fan-favorite character, and that’s no way to have a TV show.
That’s why this power ranking of Vanderpump Rules is less focused on what happened on the show this season, and more on the metanarrative. Just as the season broke the fourth wall in the finale, we need to expand our information gathering to podcasts, TikToks, fan forums, and Twitter to understand who has won the hearts and minds of the VPR audience. Spinoffs hang in the balance, people.
I mean, obviously. The fans are blaming Sandoval for breaking Ariana’s heart, as well as ruining the show by colluding with production to try and engineer a Sandoval redemption arc. It’s not landing; Even people who don’t really have skin in the game — like Nick Viall, and (infamously) Los Angeles bakery Sweet Lady Jane — aren’t on his side. Battery companies hate Tom, it’s that deep.
Will Sandoval take this L? No chance. It’s the refusal to be bottom dog that rubbed the audience the wrong way. TikTok user Tell the Bees has said that VPR always needs a “sin eater.” One (usually female) castmate who gets shit on, shunned, and blamed for everything so that the rest of the cast can have social cohesion. Kristen Doute and Lala Kent took turns as the show’s Sin Eater for most seasons of the show, with Jax Taylor taking over for seasons 2 and 6. But Tom’s complete refusal to be fan un-favorite has, in many ways, ruined the show.
Poor Joseph Robinette Wenberg. She really had no idea what she was getting into. Tom Schwartz’s FWB lacks the skill set for reality television. And possibly also the skill set for her day job of hair stylist, if Tom’s bleach job is evidence. JK, we all know that was revenge.
When Ann came out at the end of the reunion with Something About Her sandwiches instead of Peter with his traditional shots, it was curtains for everyone’s favorite restaurant manager/pirate.
Lala’s big outburst during the season finale, as well as her decision to stand by that assessment of events during the finale, has doomed her. During the season, Lala said she was in her “soft” era, but still came in hard at people who she deemed wrong or less-than. Throughout the finale, Kent maintained that Ariana’s boundary wasn’t fair, because she never got to dictate what gets discussed on the show. But 1) that’s not Ariana’s boundary, she just didn’t want to film with Tom. and 2) Lala absolutely constructed the narrative to suit her when she was still dating Randall. I’m not even saying she was wrong to do that! Anyone demanding cinema verite from their reality programming is a fool and a good mark for carnival barkers. But as Ariana said, you don’t have to understand a boundary to respect it.
Lala also came off poorly in Eating for Free’s in-depth series on VPR and all the darkness therein. Claiming she’s possessed by Tupac, trying to tall poppy syndrome Ariana, and generally being less than self aware? It all went over poorly with fans.
It speaks to how deep a hole Lala dug herself during the finale/podcast/reunion news cycle that Rachel/Raquel seems to have a slightly better reputation now. Rachel’s decision to Go Rogue rather than submit herself as season 11’s Sin Eater was a smart one. It means she hasn’t had to answer any questions she doesn’t want to, namely about that restraining order or the revenge porn lawsuit that is still in play.
Bleach Blond Bad Built Butch Body. Schwartz’s one fun moment this season was when he and Katie were dating the same person. And his one pathos-eliciting moment was when he suggested he and Katie have a “one night stand” consisting entirely of texting in bed next to each other. He is ranked as high as he is mainly for not throwing Ariana under the bus. Much. The bar is on the floor, but he cleared it.
Pro: Brock in speedos. Con:What’s up with his kids in Australia? Pro: Brock is willing to bring conflict and pull his weight, drama-wise. Con: He’s on the wrong side of history in most of these conflicts. But hey, speedo.
I don’t think anyone was surprised that Scheana found it difficult — nay, impossible — to stay loyal to Ariana. This is Scheana “I’d rather get gang banged by every guy in this van than ride with the girls” Marie we are talking about. She is allergic to people being mad at her, especially men. But that she fought her nature for as long as she did to try and stay Team Ariana ™ is something. This season has truly been a struggle for her, one which I do not fully understand but I do respect. (See how easy that is, Lala?) Hopefully her Come to Jesus talk with Matt Rogers and Janet from The Valley will stick.
Somehow a person who hasn’t been on the show for two years had a better season than Scheana. Sad! As Katie Maloney’s co-podcaster, Dayna is able to armchair QB the whole season, which is also the fan experience. It’s endearing, and her validation of Ariana during the latest episode of Disrespectfully went over very well on TikTok.
The fans have turned on LVP. She is being lumped in with production as being secretly against Ariana. One TikTok user even suspects Lisa goaded Lala into speaking up, but then left her out to dry once she did.
It feels like something is up between LVP, Ariana, and Bravo. All these entities aren’t exactly as friendly as the PR would have us all believe. Like, what’s up with Vanderpump Villa? The Pump closure? It’s not adding up. And as these grown adults continue to have their own, non-Lisa businesses, her role in the show gets harder and harder to justify, even with her name in the dang title.
Ann got the Duracell account after Ariana. Enough said.
Ally’s kind of the power behind the throne in the Kennedy household. Like Nancy Reagan, but not evil. But still very deep into astrology. Plus it’s nice to have a cat person in a show that had been so vociferously pro-dog until her arrival.
As the only man in the top 5, James Kennedy is officially the Number One Guy in the Group. And how did he do that? By growing as a person. We’ve seen the worst of James Kennedy on this show, but we’ve also seen him actually become a better person. And his DJ career is waaaay more well-received by the fandom than Tom Sandoval and the Most Extras. Taylor Swift was at his Coachella set, okay? That’s basically a knighthood in pop music terms.
Katie’s success in seasons 10 and 11 can be attributed to two things: divorcing Tom Schwartz, and getting a cunty lil bob. Since Katie has put distance between herself and her ex (and by extension her mortal enemy Tom Sandoval), she hasn’t been in full-on fight or flight mode like she was in seasons past. Andy Cohen said Lala was going to be the voice of reason this season, but really it was Katie. Katie Maloney has had such a good season that it has made fans retroactively rate her higher in seasons past. Katie Maloney might be the first VPR star to get that “oops we did a misogyny” woman-in-media treatment. It’s the thing Tom Sandoval wants most: a redemption arc. Must be killing him that Katie’s the one getting it.
Booked, busy, bringing up informed consent, working well with her legal team, hydrated, and in her own lane. Ariana Madix doesn’t think she’s Beyoncé, as Lala claimed. But she does know that she’s Ariana Madix. That core sense of self is serving her well as she, maybe, gets too big for this show. Or at least grows into a person who knows how toxic an environment it is. Bravo should be preparing a pitch deck for Madix — like, yesterday — of spinoffs she could do. A junior version of Ultimate Girls Trip with gals from Summer House and the Below Decks! A stint on Winter House! A home decoration show that’s like Property Brothers meets Revenge Body where people who were cheated on get apartment makeovers! Figure something out, Bravo, because there are other villas on other shores.
