Photo: David Moir/Bravo
Midway through āTake It Cheesy,ā the Top Chef: Wisconsin editors decide to have a little fun. The chefs are preparing for the first-ever Top Chef Cheese Festival, for which theyāll have to prepare more than 100 servings of their dish. Everyone has a different randomly selected cheese, and everyone knows theyāre going to be cooking outside in nearly 100-degree heat. The opportunities for their dishes are seemingly endless; the only restriction is they have to feature their specific cheese. But as the contestants run around Whole Foods, Top Chef rapidly cuts between them to reveal a common theme: Nearly half are planning to cook croquettes. All of the options in the world, and this is where we landed ā a deep-fried potato ball thatās a wedding-buffet mainstay.
Now, would I eat all these croquettes? Of course. My palate is a basic bitch, and a ball of hot cheese is not something I will turn down. If I reject the offer of one, this is how you will know I have been taken and require saving immediately. But Top Chef wants us to think that for this caliber of chefs, this approach is a little rote, and the editing emphasizes that. Manny and Alisha and Kevin, Charly and Laura and Michelle: Their carts are stacked high with starch, their workstations bubble over with cheese sauce, and their descriptions of their dishes are combined into a repetitive ācroquetteā supercut. Itās absurd! It feels like the chefs are resting on their laurels!
It also makes for an engaging episode where we get a glimpse into how certain chefs might be limited by training that steers them into the same flavor profiles and techniques, and see others who are willing to take risks begin to pull away. Some of the same faces are already popping up in the top and the bottom tiers of this season, and a repeat high performer wins while a repeat low performer goes home.
āTake It Cheesyā starts off with a Quickfire challenge featuring a variety of local cherries from Door County, Wisconsin. For guest judges Carla Hall (a Top Chef season eight alumna and constant presence on the Food Network) and actress Clea DuVall ā two names that are very phonetically pleasant together ā the chefs have to cook a dish featuring both cherries and a surprise ingredient hidden behind a little door. (The episode tries to generate some drama by having each chef name who picks an ingredient after them, but the ingredients are unknown and thereās no trading allowed, so the impact of Manny being picked last and ending up with soy sauce isnāt really there.) Some of the surprise ingredients are weird, like Michelle getting ginseng, of which Wisconsin is apparently a top producer, and Danny ending up with chunky bamboo shoots. But the chefs with sweet ingredients (Charly with chocolate, Kenny with marshmallows, Laura with condensed milk) seem more upset about it, and their attempts to counter all that sugar ends up mostly backfiring.
Thereās a bit of time tension with the chefs struggling to pit the cherries, and certain dishes clearly arenāt coming together as intended. A few contestants turn to pork because pork and cherries are a classic combination, so Alisha decides to go for cabbage, but struggles to evenly cook the wedges sheās charring on the grill, while Savannah worries that her chicken-liver mousse is too loose. There are no catastrophes, though, and everyone presents their dishes to Kristen, Carla, and Clea without incident. Like last weekās Quickfire, the judges are pretty inscrutable while eating, only really breaking their silence when Kristen asks KĆ©vin what the French word āpoĆŖleā means. He describes it as a sautĆ©; it also seems to mean a frying pan. Regardless of what the exact translation is, the judges like it!
On the top are KĆ©vinās beef tenderloin with a poĆŖle of cherries and black garlic; Savannahās chicken-liver mousse with panzanella salad and a cherry vinaigrette; and Rasikaās cipollini onions with tart cherries, charred pepper relish, and Berbere spice. All the dishes that do well used the brightness and tartness of the cherries best, but reigning elimination champ and immunity holder Rasika wins, bringing her cash total so far to $15,000. On the bottom are Charlyās charred golden beets with chocolate-cherry demi glace, Kennyās toasted marshmallows with rum, cherry, and fried spring-roll paper, and Alishaās charred cabbage with a cherry-serrano reduction; Charlyās beets are too earthy, Kennyās dish too disparate, and Alishaās cabbage undercooked.
The chefs wave goodbye to Clea, and then the randomness of the Quickfire continues with randomness in the Elimination challenge. They pull knives to find out the cheese they need to feature at the inaugural Top Chef Cheese Festival, an event celebrating Wisconsin cheese aficionados and cheesemakers, including Andy Hatch of Uplands Cheese and Pam Hodgson of Sartori, one of only two women Master Cheesemakers. (Becoming a Master Cheesemaker is a whole state-organized program!) The dinersā favorite dish will win the challenge and get immunity, the judges will select the bottom three dishes and who goes home, and the chefs are able to taste their cheese selection ā including 15-year cheddar, 1000-day-aged Gouda, triple-cream brie (which KĆ©vin lucks into), Dunbarton Blue cheese, and cheese curds ā before they plan what theyāre going to cook.
As previously discussed: A lot of them go with croquettes! Frankly, the trend seems to piss off Tom; as he visits chef after chef in the kitchen, you can see his grin get tighter and his energy curdle into malevolence as he learns of the mind-meld Rasika dubs āTop Chef Croquette Fest.ā But there are other worrisome things outside of the great croquette confluence, like how Manny seems to have no idea what to do with cheese curds, and Kennyās plan for a crab rangoon salad with a Gorgonzola cheese cream, which makes Tom and Carla trade panicked looks. The next day, as the chefs battle bees and Gail looks immaculate in a white sundress, those two dishes fail to impress because of issues with both technique (Mannyās compressed potatoes didnāt set correctly and donāt fry well, Kennyās salad is too watery) and concept (Manny doesnāt transform the cheese curds at all, Kenny doesnāt highlight the Gorgonzola). The same flaws plague KĆ©vinās dish, with his brie overly breaded and his truffle paste overpowering. Itās not a surprise when those three dishes are both the dinersā and the judgesā least favorites. Tom gives them all side-eye, it is delightfully passive-aggressive.
Most of the other croquettes ā or, as Gail describes them, āreally nice fried ballsā ā end up safe. Tom, Gail, Kristen, Carla, and fellow guest judge Dane Baldwin praise Dannyās cheddar fritter made of pĆ¢te Ć choux and served with cheddar foam; Amandaās Mount Raclette arancini with correctly cooked rice (a rare feat on Top Chef!) and fig and olive gremolata; and Alishaās ham and brick cheese croquette with sherry aioli. Less good are Charlyās yucca and Canela cheese croquette (in which Gail struggles to taste the cheese) with tomato-mango sauce, and Lauraās Gouda Reserve potato croquette with peach mostarda (Carla complains about the thickness of the croquetteās roux, while Tom says the mostarda has no flavor). Michelleās coconut curry collard green saag with a Pleasant Ridge Reserve potato fritter is the rare croquette they love, with Kristen calling it āfucking fantastic.ā Overall, though, it seems like the judges prefer the non-deep-fried items, like Kaleenaās Merlot BellaVitano mac and cheese with merlot mushrooms, Savannahās Oaxaca cheese quesadilla with whipped avocado and hatch chili and roasted corn salsa, Danās Sancho Cruz Manchego gnocchi dumplings with cheese foam and olive tapenade, and Rasikaās Dunbarton Blue paniyaram (a rice flour dumpling) with braised chicken korma that Gail calls ābeautifully balancedā and is most visibly excited about.
But! Rasika isnāt in the dinersā voted-upon top three (and she looks a little irritated by it). Those honors go to Kaleena, Dan, and Michelle, with Michelle walking away with the win, immunity, and knowledge that sheās one of the judgesā favorites too. (They donāt share the others they would have ranked high, which I would like to have known.) On the bottom are the obvious missteps: Manny, for serving what Carla calls ājust out-of-the-bag cheese curdsā; Kenny, for serving them āa celebration of so many things, I didnāt know what they wereā (Carla again, savage); and KĆ©vin, who Tom chastises for assuming that an American cheese challenge would automatically necessitate āfried stuff.ā Manny describes his own dish as āindefensibleā and Tom calls KĆ©vinās āterrible,ā yet ultimately itās Kenny who goes home for the crab salad Gail describes as āwet mush.ā Iām personally shocked KĆ©vin is still hanging around, but just like Valentine bouncing last week, I think Kenny being in the bottom for the Quickfire helped secure his demise. Iāll miss him and his ideas ā his premiere-episode pho-spiced roast chicken sounded so good, and a crab rangoon salad (without Gorgonzola!) would probably be quite refreshing. Long may he twerk.
ā¢ Tom hat watch: We have a hat, folks! Itās big and it looks like straw. Gail was very noticeably burnt after the afternoon elimination challenge, so I guess Tom really did think ahead in terms of sun protection. Kudos to him.
ā¢ Also, Tom is right: There is no such thing as too much cheese. Kristen, please pack your knives and go, et cetera.
ā¢ Clea DuVall really is a legend; you should watch But Iām a Cheerleader, The Faculty, and CarnivĆ le immediately; and her best-friendship with Melanie Lynskey is very lovely.
ā¢ Next week: Buddha Lo is back. I thought Top Chef would wait a little longer before having him judge a challenge since he just won back-to-back seasons, but clearly I was incorrect.
ā¢ More gremolata???
ā¢ Do we think that people are going to be more adventurous about cooking Indian food now that they donāt have to reckon with Padma as a judge? I was surprised Michelle went in that direction, if only because in previous seasons contestants have mostly avoided that flavor profile. Let us never forget Stephanie Cmarās Indian nachos, bless her.
ā¢ Laura should have cleaned up after spilling goop on the floor and should have apologized; Dan was classy to let it go.
ā¢ The dishes I most wanted to eat this episode: Rasikaās cherries and onions and Dannyās cheese doughnut.
ā¢ What are your personal cherry rankings? Sour cherries play a pivotal role in Persian food, so they are a cultural favorite of mine. (Very good in faloodeh, which are noodles soaked with rose water, frozen, and served with lemon or lime chunks and cherry syrup.) And if Rainier cherries werenāt $15 or so per pound, I would also go HAM on them at every opportunity.
ā¢ Does Amanda actually sound like Daria? Discuss amongst yourselves.
ā¢ LAST CHANCE KITCHEN SPOILERS AHEAD: Despite growing up on The X-Files, I am not prone to conspiracy theories, but LCK is about to transform me into Spooky Mulder. If you arenāt caught up, hereās whatās going on. In the aired Top Chef premiere āChefās Test,ā first eliminated chef David didnāt get offered the ability to compete on LCK, and in the first episode of LCK, āThe 16th Chef,ā heās not mentioned at all. (David said on his Instagram of LCK, āI wasnāt allowed to participate, beyond that I canāt say anything elseā¦ NDAs.ā) Instead, the eliminated Valentine had to go up against surprise 16th chef Soo Ahn, who has to win five LCK episodes in a row to make it into Top Chef. Soo beat Valentine (his fried lobster fish and chips > Valentineās lobster bake with poached lobster), and he also beats Kenny in āThe Big Stinkā (his eggplant parmesan with roasted tomato sauce and bruleed Limburger cheese > Kennyās Vietnamese rice paper pizza with egg, melon, basil, and Limburger cheese). He now needs to only beat three other contestants to make it in, and the whole setup feels fundamentally unfair to me ā the eliminated Top Chef-ers are coming in already stressed from the pressure of the competition and from the experience of losing, and theyāre facing someone who for five weeks doesnāt have to deal with Quickfires, eliminations, or any of the in-game drama? Why not just start the series with 16 chefs, instead of adding another change to how things work that seemingly undermines a significant chunk of the contestants? I have a sense that Soo is going to win all his challenges and shock the remaining cheftestants when he makes it into the series proper, and Iām trusting no one until then.