The biggest problem with ‘House of the Dragon’? I can’t remember anyone’s name!

Watching the second season of HBO’s “Game of Thrones” prequel series “House of the Dragon” has been a lot like running into an old acquaintance from high school at a bar.

You vaguely recognize them from afar. Perhaps they sat in the back during Ms. Carp’s English Lit class. Or was it Chemistry? One thing is certain: You have no idea what their name is.

This is how I feel, two years on, about 99% of the Targaryen family. After casually devouring Season 1 as though it was not delivery, but DiGiorno, I still don’t know Aemond from Aegon. 

Try though I might, I just can’t keep track of these incest-loving, humorless platinum blondes.

Clarity was never a problem during the eight seasons of “Game of Thrones,” even though there were far more individuals and plot-lines to follow.

Yes, a mainstay of George R.R. Martin’s saga was Emilia Clarke’s Daenerys, but there were also plenty of easy single-syllable monickers to aid digestion: Ned, Jon, Bran and Robb Stark.

Even the two-syllable folks — Jaime, Cersei, Sansa — were a cinch.

Not true of “Dragon”’s crew of identical sounding royal letter-mush: Rhaenyra, Halaena, Daemon, Aemond, Aegon, Jacaerys, Viserys, Larys.

Jeez. Is that a cast list or a password generator?

Adding to the mania, while the original series’ ensemble included members of several different vying houses flung all over Westeros, most of “Dragon”’s denizens are Targaryens and live in just two castles. 

All of them look pretty much the same.

I’m even having trouble with the few non-Targaryens. Instead of Ser Criston Cole, I often hear Ser Colin Jost. He’s shtupping Alicent, whose name I just had to Google. Thank God her dad is simply Otto, as in von Bismarck.

By now you might think I need to go back to school. You’re probably right, but the character jumble is indicative of a larger narrative issue faced by “Dragon”: Aimlessness.

Because of gruesome deaths, quality British acting and giant flying reptiles, the epic drama is entertaining enough. However it’s less “Game of Thrones” than “Spat of Fam.” 

Extremely similar relatives with extremely similar titles are battling for the crown of Westeros. It’s an extremely similar story.

Too bad the existential threat that “winter is coming” isn’t there to add grander stakes and purpose, and allow disparate clans to briefly cooperate, as it was on “GoT.”

And the tremendous fun of fan theories about who will win out in the end doesn’t apply to a prequel (you can look that info up right now). Guess what? Anakin becomes Darth Vader.

Also, would it kill these guys to tell a joke? The stone-faced Targaryens behave like very naughty monks.

Mostly, though, I just never want to see another “ae” ever again.