Photo: Bravo
This episode was all about tough conversations. We saw the cast get together in groups of twos and threes to talk about some horrible subjects. Some of those conversations were good, most were bad, and a couple were joyful, but they were all necessary.
Letâs start with my imaginary husband, Kyle McGill Cooke, because, whoa, sister, I have a lot to say about Kyle. The episode starts when heâs in the middle of his freak out because Amanda dared to ask to find a pursuit she is as passionate about as Kyle is about Loverboy. Heâs in his car with his little crying face on, having a tantrum, and the only sympathetic person is Danielle, who never picks the right side of an argument. Maybe sheâs just seeing him as a fellow CEO and founder. (âOf what?!â Paige pops from around the corner to ask.)
I have minimal sympathy for my Kyle at this moment. I was shocked in the previous episode when Amanda said she wanted to start her own thing, and Kyle could only think about its influence on him. No one gets more âRise and Grindâ content on his Instagram than Kyle, and I figured he would actually do the opposite, try to optimize Amandaâs start-up so hard that he would take it over and make it not fun anymore. Instead, he just shoots it down because of his own insecurities about the companyâs health.
Thank Loverboy Vacay Vibez Spritz Cans. The next day, he has a conversation with Paige and Ciara about what is going on with Amanda. They tell him the hard truth: if Amanda doesnât find something to stoke her passion, she will be even less excited about Loverboy. Paige also points out that Kyle is always making fun of Amanda and how little she does, but when she says she wants to pursue other things in her spare time, he acts like sheâs the lynchpin holding the company together. Itâs wild.
When Kyle canât figure out what Amanda wants to do, he jokes that heâs going to go on tour as a DJ. (I already booked the tickets using the Dice app.) Paige says the most thoughtful thing, âI donât want to be having this conversation in five years that sheâs leaving you ⊠Youâre going to lose your marriage because of a company?â Then Paige and Ciara tell him exactly what he needs to hear: heâs being selfish. And he is! Heâs putting himself and his own company above his relationship with Amanda and their happiness. If my imaginary husband treated me like that, I would imaginarily divorce him, and then I would join a fictitious throuple with West and Jesse Solomon (always both names!) in my imagination.
Kyle freaks out and starts to walk away from the conversation, believing that the women have no clue what theyâre talking about. Paige answers, âYou act like we donât know what youâre talking about, like itâs too high level for us. We watch her cry. Is that too high level? I watch her cry.â Damn, Paige, that cut to the bone! If Kyle hadnât changed his mind after hearing that, then there would have been no humanity left under that silly little mullet of his.
It has the desired effect because Kyle goes outside with tears in his eyes to do the closest thing he can to apologize to Amanda. He says he feels bad that on the boat, when Amanda brought up wanting to have her own project, he didnât immediately say, âLetâs do it.â Amanda tells him sheâs glad he heard it from other people because she canât get through to him, and I think that Kyle hearing from Paige and Ciara about how bad it looks when he says this stuff about Amanda made all the difference. I wish I had friends so true that they would fight with my man for me. I outsource everything â cleaning my house, doing my laundry, getting rides to the airport â if I could outsource arguments with my man, life would be perfect.
Yes, Kyle says that heâs going to do everything to support Amanda and her project, and why was that so hard? Why couldnât he have just said that in the first place? Now, we all need to hold Kyle accountable and make sure heâs supporting her and not just paying her lip service to shut up. And maybe buy one of Amandaâs bathing suits. Shit, if theyâre half as cute as the Loverboy merch she designs, Iâd even buy one.
Okay, onto our next terrible conversation, which is between Carl and Lindsay, voted Couple of the Year by Bullet Dodgers magazine. Carl feels that when he approaches Lindsay with potential business ideas, she asks him questions and is critical of them rather than being âsoftâ and ânice.â Girl, you want a partner that is soft and nice and you picked Lindsay Hubbard? That was your first mistake. I tease Lindz, but I will give her a huge amount of credit. During these conversations with Carl, no matter how badly he treats her, she never gets activated, she never starts shouting, and she is never the Lindsay that we have known for so many years. Has she, dare I say it, grown? Regardless, I am on Lindsayâs side during this whole conversation.
And does Carl really want someone nice and soft, who is just going to say, âThatâs a great idea, babe,â and then when his business doesnât work out, she looks like a chump for not trying to protect him or tell him that a sober only sports bar (a.k.a. Chuck E. Cheese) is a really bad idea? When Lindsay tells him that she wants to know more about these business ventures and will be more excited for Carl when he finally makes some decisions and starts making steps toward having a big boy job, he says that heâll make a PowerPoint to show her everything, harkening back to when loser Stravvy made a PowerPoint on how they could be a better couple. The sarcasm and loathing dripping off his voice at that moment made me so glad they never got married.
Later, Lindsay decides that she would rather go home with Danielle and Gabby and decompress a little bit, and Carl acts so confused and befuddled like he canât understand why she would want to spend some time away from this dude who just eviscerated her for no good reason. âIâll just drive back by myself. Itâs fine,â he says. I hate people who refer to their dogs as âfur babies,â I hate when you run out of chips before the guacamole is gone, and I hate taking off my shoes for the TSA, but there are a few things I hate more than passive aggression. Then, when Lindsay explains that heâs taking her luggage home but not her, he drives off, leaving her to shove her suitcase in the back of Danielleâs mini (which is apparently named Cacio E. Pepe, which is my new favorite thing about Danielle).
Once everyoneâs back in the city, West takes Ciara on a date horseback riding, and I have no clue where this is or how they got there from the city. What is this magical wonderland where you can drive horses through the woods? Is this why Amanda is so hyped about New Jersey? Anyway, after going on the trail, they have a long-needed talk about their relationship. Whatâs crazy to me about these two is that they both seem like they want this thing to work, but theyâre worried about it because they think the other is the perfect partner. Itâs like they know this is endgame, so theyâre being extra cautious, but the caution is what is killing them.
West says that he is afraid of giving up being single because heâs never done it before and that he âwants to get his shit togetherâ before really committing to Ciara. I assume he means professionally, but he could mean other things. Ciara says that she doesnât want to have sex with him because she knows sheâll catch feelings and doesnât want to get hurt like she has before. She also says she wants to date intentionally and not be in a relationship just to have fun. She wants to be looking for the guy sheâs going to marry and have kids with.
Just do it already, you two! West, youâre never going to have your shit together; youâre never going to feel like youâre in a place to start a relationship, so just do it. Pull the trigger. See how it goes. If sheâs worth making it work, then you will find a way to make it work. And Ciara, youâre never going to know who is the one. You could be married to this guy for 20 years and find out that he was stealing money from his clients to fund your pop career all this time, and then youâll have to get a divorce before the cops show up. Donât wind up like Erika Jayne. Just get with the guy and have some fun, God forbid. If heâs worth making it work, then you will find a way to make it work. They both need to stop being such scaredy cats. No relationship is perfect, no moment is perfect, this recapper might be perfect, but other than that, everything else is just a mess, so embrace it for what it is.
Speaking of West, the cutest and sweetest conversations in the whole episode are the ones he has with Jesse Solomon. Back at the house, Jesse goes upstairs for a moment of silently worrying that heâs going to die of cancer. West follows him and gives him the biggest, warmest bro hug I have ever seen outside of a team that just won some kind of silly athletic competition. Jesse says he has a hard time showing his emotions and how scared he is that his cancer is coming back. West says, âSometimes emotions, especially the big ones, you have to wear them.â Who are these straight boys so connected to their feelings, and why are they making me cry? I donât like this one bit. Canât they just make out already? Usually, when Iâm watching a film where hot âstraightâ guys embrace each other, it always ends in kissing.
Jesse goes to his doctorâs appointment with his mom and calls West afterward. He says that he found something abnormal, and so did the doctor. They had an ultrasound, so theyâre waiting for the results. But at least when he gets them, no matter what, heâll have someone to talk to. Someone who will have his back and hug him to celebrate or hug him to mourn. Heâll have someone to goof with after and raise his spirits. Heâll actually have a whole house full of people like that. I used to love this show for the fights, the drama, the girls tearing each other to shreds. But now I love it for the support, for a group of friends who truly want the best for each other and who will remind each other when theyâre not living up to be their best selves. Itâs a funny feeling to get from a reality show, but I think this might be the best summer of our lives.