My Best Friend Was Killed at Pulse — I’ve Turned My Anguish Into Action

My birthday is May well 31, but I have scarcely celebrated in eight decades. Drew’s birthday is June 1. Drew had just turned 32 when he was shot and killed in the mass shooting at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, FL, which killed 49 men and women and wounded 53 much more on June 12, 2016.

Drew was my greatest mate and experienced a specific really like for internet hosting events. He would craft elaborate invitations for our frequent joint birthday celebrations — they generally experienced a precise concept, like Trashy Actuality Tv, Filthy Disney, or “How Many Dru Events Have You Attended?” And indeed, Drew would normally go all out both of those for the decorations and the costumes.

I now deal with the event planning at the Dru Venture, a nonprofit business produced in his honor, committed to growing homosexual-straight alliances in Florida and exactly where I transform my anguish into action. This June 1 would have been Drew’s 40th birthday. We’re heading all out with a full balloon wall, tons of photograph alternatives, and specialty themed-beverages — just the way he would have needed.

Drew was a twin flame of mine. We ended up routinely referred to as the “mayors” of our good friend team. Both of those remaining queer, we felt actually viewed for the initially time just after assembly the other in September 2003 at the first homosexual-straight alliance conference at our college or university. I only uncovered just after his death just how crucial this representation and visibility was for other folks. Immediately after Drew’s funeral — which a lot more than 1,000 folks attended, with several overflowing into the streets — I was flooded with messages from university good friends not only giving their condolences but offering up susceptible truths I had by no means listened to in advance of. Many people today explained to me that Drew and I ended up the rationale they felt the braveness and security to appear out.

It was also late for him to hear that, but I took it incredibly very seriously. I wished to continue paying out ahead that kindness, friendship, and acceptance, of which the earth consistently requirements additional. I retain him alive each day with that authenticity, honesty, and inclusion.

I will usually continue to honor not only him, but all all those we shed at Pulse, at Club Q in 2022, and in all the shootings that disproportionately affect queer persons that by no means even make the information. As a queer person, every single hateful act of gun violence directed at my local community generates a equivalent sensation — a bizarre mix of shock, numbness, and an urge to take care of it so that other individuals do not have to knowledge the agony that I have. I know how it feels to be fearful if your mates are dead on the dance ground.

“As a queer particular person, I do not have the privilege to continue to be quiet — even when it can be tough to discuss.”

We are turning into a nation of survivors. I anxiety that shortly, absolutely everyone will know another person who has been impacted by gun violence. People who were being taken from us are not just quantities. They’re seats lacking at tables all through birthday get-togethers, people today who will not likely exhibit up to our weddings 1 day, people today we never get to convey to about a new music remaining launched. I only hope my tale aids individuals discover relief in the truth that they aren’t by yourself.

I have found solace and comfort and ease in the queer group and the Everytown Survivor Network. Being in a position to lean on men and women who have an understanding of my practical experience not only as a survivor, but as a queer survivor, has been uniquely therapeutic. But I nonetheless have tough times. Often, I uncover it difficult to do day-to-day responsibilities when I am inundated by news of mass shootings or hate crimes. In some cases I have to adhere to the bare basics of my day by day regime and “just commence once more tomorrow.” Often I sense numb.

On the other hand, as a queer unique, I never have the privilege to keep silent — even when it truly is hard to discuss. In the deal with of constant anti-LGBTQ+ political assaults and extremism, hateful rhetoric carries genuine-everyday living and violent repercussions for our group. Virtually one particular in 3 LGBTQ young persons said their mental wellbeing was weak most of the time or often due to anti-LGBTQ guidelines and legislation. And when that kind of loathe is paired with unfettered access to firearms, the outcomes develop into even a lot more lethal.

I will usually converse up, since we are dwelling a nightmare. I do not want queer people to undergo around and over all over again. Lawmakers’ rhetoric is emboldening people to go right after our local community, convincing them that they have the correct to choose whether or not we must be useless or alive. More than 570 anti-trans payments have been submitted in states across the state this year alone. In an typical calendar year, far more than 25,000 detest crimes in the US contain a firearm — 69 a working day.

This is why I vote. Simply because without a doubt, detest is far much more deadly when armed with a gun. We want lawmakers who will carry on to defend us, advocate for us, and validate who we are. Pleasure is a time for celebration and commemoration of the development we have produced in the queer community, but we will need illustration 12 months-round. We need lawmakers to protect us 365 times a year, and allyship is significant now far more than ever. We need anyone to be a part of in the battle to secure queer persons — it is really a subject of lifetime and loss of life.

At Drew’s funeral, we built a promise to go on generating a globe that he would be happy of. Despite the fact that it really is really tricky to do in the encounter of extremism, we continue on to combat for him and the entire queer local community.

So as we celebrate Drew’s birthday, as we honor the lives of all those taken from us on June 12, 2016, and as we advocate for our security and correct to dwell — be part of us. Uplift the stories of those people all-around you, commit to allyship, and do precisely what Drew did greatest: generating all people feel noticed and liked for who they are.

Sara Grossman (she/her) is a Mothers Demand from customers Motion volunteer in Denver and a senior fellow with the Everytown Survivor Community. Sara’s good friend Drew Leinonen was killed in the Pulse nightclub capturing in Orlando on June 12, 2016. Sara now serves as the secretary for The Dru Venture, an organization launched in Drew’s honor.