Photo: Apple TV+
Sweet Looters, rise up! It is our time! It’s been almost two years since we were introduced to billionaire Molly Wells and her lovable crew at the Wells Foundation. I don’t know about you, but I have been counting down the days until their return. I missed them so much! We’re only two episodes in, but already, season two of Loot feels sharper and funnier than season one. You can already feel that sweet season-two chemistry flowing; you can see Loot expanding its world and diving deeper into its deep bench of great characters. What I’m getting at is that I need more people to be watching and talking about this show. Awards are meaningless, true, but also, shower this baby in awards because awards are fun and I, personally, would like to hear acceptance speeches from Maya Rudolph and Joel Kim Booster. If Loot season two isn’t getting piled on with praise, well, we all deserve — and I say this with love — we all deserve to drink shit water, you know?
Hey, speaking of shit water, in case you’ve forgotten where we left off at the end of season one, let’s Inception a little (it’s a recap within a recap, you get it): Loot kicked off with Molly discovering her tech-billionaire husband John Novak (Adam Scott, even douchier in season two, if you can believe!) is cheating on her with a younger woman, so she divorces his ass and gets $87 billion in the settlement. She decides she wants to do something worthwhile with her time and money instead of being simply known as a billionaire’s ex-wife and discovers she actually has an entire foundation set up to do just that. And so, Molly takes it upon herself to become a daily fixture at the Wells Foundation, much to the chagrin of its no-nonsense executive director Sofia Salinas (Michaela Jaé Rodriguez). As we learn pretty quickly, Molly’s kind of terrible at running a foundation, but she is open to learning, and the team she has around her are willing to teach her. She’s a fish out of water when it comes to interacting with normals, but in a mostly endearing way, and everyone begins to become a better version of themselves thanks to the culture clash.
One of Molly’s biggest mistakes, however, is getting swept up in a romance with a fancy French billionaire named Jean-Pierre (Olivier Martinez), who gets her to invest in his “innovative” and “game-changing” water-purification technology. When Molly presents this machine at a big billionaire’s circle-jerk-esque weekend in Corsica called the Silver Moon Summit, she’s left up onstage with a machine that does not work and forced to drink a big ol’ glass of shit water. It is a disaster on so many levels. Molly decides it was a mistake to get involved with the Wells Foundation and makes a run for it, but Sofia convinces her to stick by them; they’re a team now, and she can make a difference if she listens a little better. Molly listens in a big way: She makes her way back onto the stage at the Summit, admits that billionaires shouldn’t exist and it’s abhorrent to amass that amount of money, and then declares that she will be giving away her now $120 billion fortune — every last cent. Oh, and to top it all off, just as Wells Foundation CFO Arthur (Nat Faxon), who, yes, has been described as “the embodiment of an Olive Garden breadstick,” but who is the sweetest man, is about to confess his love for her, Molly’s ex arrives in Corsica, and the two get drunk and hop into bed together. It was a real roller coaster of a season finale.
Season two picks up a few weeks post-Corsica. It turns out it’s not so easy to get rid of a cool $120 bil in a way that helps as many people as possible, especially when you’re out there giving a wildly tone-deaf “73 Questions” interview to Vogue that includes calling your downsized mansion with only five pools a cabana or answering “What makes you angry?” with “Injustice … and drawstring pants, end of list,” or ending it by blatantly pretending to get on a skateboard next to Tony Hawk. The comment section is, let’s say, less than effusive.
Molly may have solved her John problem by repeatedly reiterating that sleeping together again was a mistake and she needs him to stop giving her rare flowers that are now going extinct because of him and instead give her some space, but her lying-billionaire image problem remains. The needle could be moving in the right direction soon since the Wells Foundation is about to announce its big Alameda Street project, which is helping the unhoused population, except the mayor’s office calls and pulls the plug on it. It is a blow on par with the news that Panera is out of bread bowls that day, which is to say, absolutely devastating.
Molly calls for a team “gathering thing, like a group talk session, like …,” by which she means meeting to brainstorm how to kick off her big promise to spend her money. There are no stupid ideas in this meeting, until there is one very stupid idea from her cousin Howard (Ron Funches) that involves marching on a section of Los Angeles and declaring a military state. The team is at a loss. Perhaps, Sofia realizes, they could team up with a billionaire named Noah (Misha Brooks), who is famous for developing an algorithm to optimize charitable giving. He is hailed as a genius and an outside-the-box thinker; he calls Sandra Bullock “Sandy.” Molly loves the whole situation. She invites the reclusive Noah to her Cabana Mansion to meet with the team, and one Arthur-provided whiteboard and a whole bunch of what seems to be complex mathematical equations later, Molly is in — she wants to invest her entire fortune in his company. The moment she says this, however, an FBI team swoops in to arrest Noah for wire fraud and money laundering; even Noah readily admits he is so, so guilty. Molly has been duped by a rich man yet again.
She’s feeling down about making this same mistake over and over and scared her legacy will be simply “rich man’s ex-wife,” but do you know who comes to her side? Arthur. Arthur!! The most unlikely romantic hero has come to save the day mostly by being kind and honest and open. He reminds Molly that she has “a better head on her shoulders than people give [her] credit for,” but he knows who she is and the other people they work with do, too. “I always feel better after I talk to you,” Molly says with a smile. Could these two kiss already??
That night, Molly is still trying to find her renewed sense of purpose when she runs into Howard … in her own house. It turns out that after he broke up with his terrible girlfriend, thanks to a little push from Nicholas, he couldn’t afford rent anymore and secretly moved into Molly’s guesthouse. It’s been weeks, and she hasn’t noticed until now. While it’s a little disturbing that she had no idea, of course he can stay — and it gives Molly an idea. What if she bought a bunch of unused hotels in downtown L.A., and they let unhoused people live there? Sofia thinks it could work — and they could even turn those hotels into more than just housing; they could put in career centers and health-care clinics. It won’t be easy, but Space for Everyone, as they name it, could be kind of great. And so the Wells Foundation is off and running, and this time, the comments section is only full of applause for the new initiative. And also for Molly’s tits, of which someone going by the username Hedgefun87 says “are sitting.” Not a bad day’s work, to be honest.
Alas, Molly is thwarted once again — or, at the very least, her thunder gets stolen right out from under her. You know, it’s never good news when someone tells you not to look at the television until you “take all your Ativan.” In this case, Nicholas gives his boss such a dire warning because, well, wouldn’t you know, John Novak has just announced that he and his aeronautics division are launching into space, and he has one special person to thank: his darling ex-wife Molly Wells. John giving Molly “space” by going to space is frustrating on a personal level, sure, but even more so because it immediately invalidates Molly’s attempt to begin to become a woman of the people. How is she supposed to dismantle the billionaire class when she is still so closely linked to one?
Regardless, Space for Everyone is humming along in episode two, “Clueless”; the first unused hotel Molly closes on can house 600 people once they fix it up. But Molly Wells isn’t only interested in helping the masses; she wants to help those nearest and dearest to her too — specifically Sofia and specifically in regards to her love life. After a little gin-smoothie and Clueless watch session, Nicholas points out that Molly is basically Cher Horowitz: She lives in Los Angeles, she has incredible style, and she is “on this beautiful and selfless journey to help the underprivileged and the ugly.” You know what else would be very Cher of her? To get involved in a rom-com. Lo and behold, the next day, Molly, Nicholas, and Sofia meet with Isaac (O-T Fagbenle), Molly’s friend and the architect helping to redesign the hotels for Space for Everyone, and Molly and Nicholas notice immediate sparks between Sofia and Isaac. They are bickering with each other like it’s the first scene in a movie. It’s wonderful news for Molly, who really wants to see true love win, and also great news for Nicholas, who’s excited for the distraction, or, as he puts it: “Thank God, because I thought we were gonna spend the whole day talking about an old building and I was gonna kill myself.” Joel Kim Booster is an absolute treasure on this show, and I honestly can’t believe it’s not being talked about 24/7.
Molly, being the Cher Horowitz she is (and Cher being the Emma Woodhouse she is), has to meddle. She sets Sofia and Isaac up so that they are forced to spend an evening sipping on good wine with a gorgeous view of the city, getting to know each other. When Molly suggests Sofia reach out to Isaac for a real date, Sofia balks a bit (gorgeous people don’t normally have to do the asking out — Nicholas and Molly understand), but is so interested in Isaac that she can’t help herself. No, I mean it: She really can’t help herself. In the next team meeting, Nicholas puts Sofia’s phone screen up on the monitor for everyone to see, and what they find is a mortifying trail of unanswered texts, each more unhinged than the last, winding all the way down to “Omg, watching Frasier. That dog is pretty funny.” I’m so glad to see season two of Loot is continuing to dive into Sofia’s disastrous love life this season — she is so put together in so many ways and yet so inept here, it is such a treat.
While Nicholas wants Sofia to flee the country — it’s the only move here — Molly isn’t done with rooting for true love. So she has Goran on her security team track down Isaac in order to get some answers as to why he’s ignoring Sofia after things seemed to go so well during their surprise date. Almost immediately (and illegally!), Goran discovers Isaac is over at some bar. Out for a casual drink instead of responding to one of her 40 texts? Sofia won’t stand for it. She shows up at the bar … and discovers he’s there for a late friend’s memorial. It’s such a perfect, excruciating twist that is only made better when Sofia is forced to vamp on the mic about her good friend Danny. In the end, it was all just a misunderstanding: Sofia had been texting his work phone and he hasn’t checked it. He had a great time too, but was trying to respect Sofia’s professional boundaries — possibly the sexiest thing he could say in that moment. So, one little karaoke duet to Whitney Houston later, and Sofia and Isaac are officially a thing.
Molly should be so pleased with her work — and she’s truly happy for Sofia — but we all can see that look on Molly’s face when she’s left alone, watching Cher and Josh finally get together at the end of Clueless. Meddling in other people’s love lives is fun and all, but perhaps Molly feels like some real romance in her own life might be nice, too.
• Every character pairing on this show is somehow a winner, and in the second episode, we’re treated to a little Arthur and Howard one-on-one time as Arthur attempts to help his buddy with his finances. Instead of forcing Howard to sell off his incredible wrestling-memorabilia collection, Arthur encourages him to pursue his passion another way and wants to be the first investor in Howard’s very own wrestling league. You just know this whole setup is going to pay off wildly later in the season.
• If we really are following the Molly–as–Cher Horowitz theme here, let us all remember that in the end, Cher ends up with the dependable, steadfast, “boring” guy. I’m down for a slow-burn romance, but let’s all make sure Molly is headed in Arthur’s direction, okay?
• “I can’t believe someone would use math for evil.”
• Molly could tell Sofia was really interested in Isaac by the way she got so flustered and was touching her hair: “It’s exactly how I act when I watch Stanley Tucci eat a cannoli.”
• Nicholas describing a PDF as “violence” really spoke to me on a spiritual level.
• The pile-on over Arthur’s regrettable leather bracelet yields so many great jokes, but nothing tops sweet little Ainsley’s “My youth pastor used to wear leather bracelets — well, until he got relocated. There’s a whole Netflix documentary about it; it’s called Murder Church.” And Rhonda’s response: “I’m in that documentary!”
• Other incredible things we learned during “73 Questions with Molly Wells”: Her favorite city? “Margaritaville.” Her fashion inspiration? She’s in a real “Tibetan monk chic” phase. And yes, she can do one impression — Jerry Seinfeld at the Gap: “What the deal with clothes?”
