Doctor Who Recap: Having a Ball

Dearest gentle reader, Bridgerton has some competition. If you’ve been waiting for more queer love stories in the Regency era, who says Netflix is your only option? This week, the Doctor meets a mysterious loner named Rogue (a well-coiffed Jonathan Groff) in 1813. Forget sci-fi and sci-fantasy — for a moment it feels like Doctor Who has fully transformed into a gay enemies-to-lovers rom-com. What a way to kick off Pride month! Unfortunately, because things are never easy for the Doctor, this burgeoning relationship is interrupted by a family of murderers and a heart-wrenching dilemma. Romance, drama, and stakes that test the Doctor’s moral compass? Yup, this episode is definitely a strong contender for becoming my diamond of the season.

As viewers, we learn that something is wrong before the Doctor and Ruby do. In the opening scene, a birdlike creature called a Chuldur kills someone and shape-shifts into an exact replica of the victim’s body. It’s a pattern we’ll see repeated multiple times, always accompanied with a crackle of blue electricity and the sound of ruffling feathers and clicking bones.

But for now, the Doctor and Ruby are busy dancing (to moves by Bridgerton choreographer Jack Murphy, no less). Continuing a pattern of great tech this season, Ruby is getting the choreography beamed into her motor system by psychic earrings with a battle mode. The earrings alert the Doctor to sonar interference, which he follows to Rogue, who is observing the ball from a balcony.

The show has already told us that identities are being stolen, so we’re probably not supposed to trust this standoffish stranger with an American accent right away. I mean, his meet-cute with the Doctor is literally set to an orchestral version of Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy.” And yet … the chemistry is ridiculous. The Doctor flirts shamelessly with Rogue until they stumble across a body and accuse each other of being responsible.

Rogue reveals that he’s a bounty hunter who believes the Doctor is the Chuldur he’s been paid to find and kill. He takes the Doctor at gunpoint to his messy bachelor pad and traps the Doctor in a tri-form that works as a transport gate. Once the gate is charged, Rogue can send him straight to the incinerator.

Thankfully, before we can get too stressed, there’s a moment of comedic relief to break up the tension. Instead of focusing on the countdown to his death, the Doctor uses his screwdriver to ruin Rogue’s stoic facade by exposing him as a DnD player who apparently likes to jam out to Kylie Minogue. A mortified Rogue desperately tries to shut the music off while the Doctor body rolls, winks, and essentially lip-syncs for his life. (Ncuti as a guest judge on Drag Race when?) At this point, I’ve put the rest of the plot on pause. Yes, lives are in danger back at the ball. But these two need to just kiss already.

Once the Doctor realizes it’s probably time to actually try proving his innocence, his psychic paper fails him by revealing his true thoughts: “You’re hot.” Now the Doctor’s the flustered one, and Rogue is smirking. I’m almost positive that I’ve read a slow-burn Doctor Who fanfic with this exact scenario. Still no kiss?!?!

Ultimately, the Doctor is able to force Rogue’s scanner to confirm that he is a Time Lord who can regenerate, which means he’s got the wrong shape-shifter. In the TARDIS (“I’m in love … with this machine,” says Rogue), the Doctor begins reconfiguring the tri-form so that it will transport its prisoner not to instant death but to a barren dimension with no way back. This emphasizes a crucial difference between Rogue and the Doctor. Though they’re both outcasts traveling the stars and trying to stop people from doing harm, they have different ideas of what justice looks like. I bet Rogue wouldn’t have cried when last week’s racists sailed to their deaths.

Still, the different worldviews aren’t necessarily a turnoff. In fact, the Doctor proposes that once they get out of this, he and Rogue should “argue across the stars.” They’ve bonded over their shared experience with loss, so perhaps they can keep each other company. Unfortunately, the tri-form finishes updating before they can resolve the insane romantic tension between them.

The Doctor and Rogue head back to the ball, where Ruby has also realized that something’s wrong. She stumbled upon a dead body while trying to help her new friend Emily get over a Chuldur disguised as the sexist playboy Lord Barton. The Doctor and Ruby still don’t know that there’s more than one Chuldur, but we know there’s at least two, given that we’ve seen them discussing how Lady Ruby’s feminist attitude makes her the perfect next target.

The Doctor explains that Chuldurs come to planets to try people on like outfits. In this case, the goal is Bridgerton cosplay. (There are more healthy solutions, Chuldurs. Have you heard of Comic-Con? Community theater?) To draw them out, the Doctor turns to another tried-and-true romance trope: fake dating. He and Rogue scandalize the room by dancing together. Even though everyone’s watching, the lights dim to show us how intimate the moment feels for our main couple.

One public lovers’ quarrel and fake proposal later, the Chuldurs are chasing the Doctor and Rogue across the grounds, desperate to “play” a part in this fraught, forbidden love story. Having only just realized that they’re dealing with an entire family of Chuldurs, the Doctor and Rogue are forced to run off hand in hand to hide in a carriage (though they don’t get up to any Polin-esque shenanigans, boo).

Meanwhile, Emily — who has seemed so clueless and genuinely shocked by the evening’s events so far — grabs Ruby and reveals herself to be a Chuldur. We hear a zap, and Ruby screams. Is our companion gonna die so unceremoniously? There’s no way. We haven’t even solved the snow mystery! Yet, when the camera cuts to her stepping back into the ballroom for the Chuldur “wedding,” we hear the clicking and rustling that so far has indicated that someone is being cosplayed. The Doctor is fooled, and steps out to sob while remembering his promise to Carla that he would keep her daughter safe.

Powered by vengeance, the Doctor traps five Chuldurs in the tri-form that he has modified to transport six — though it will now only work once. Unfortunately, that’s when Ruby reveals that she is not a Chuldur. She set her earrings to battle mode and fought Chuldur-Emily off. The show hid that from us, allowing us to experience the Doctor’s horror at the exact moment he realizes he has accidentally trapped his own companion.

Rogue throws Chuldur-Emily into the tri-form, locking it at maximum capacity. Ruby tells the Doctor it’s fine for him to press the trigger, and Rogue reminds the Doctor that if he doesn’t, the Chuldurs will escape. They want to cosplay the entire planet to death so everyone, including Ruby, will die anyway. “Can you lose your friend to save the world?” Rogue asks. This version of the Doctor can’t. “I know,” Rogue says, brushing away the Doctor’s tears. They finally, finally kiss, wrapping an entire potential relationship into 13 tender seconds.

When Rogue pulls away, he’s taken the trigger from the Doctor. He could press the button and spare the Doctor from having to make the decision. The Rogue from earlier in the episode — the one whose “moral void” gave the TARDIS a tummy ache — would have done it without hesitation. Instead, he runs into the trap and pushes Ruby out before any Chuldurs can escape. “Find me,” he says, pressing the trigger. It’s exactly the type of character development that would make the Doctor fall even more in love.

The Doctor puts Rogue’s ship into orbit just in case, but I don’t get the feeling we’ll see him return anytime soon. As the Doctor explains to Ruby, there are as many dimensions as there are atoms. I also suspect that the Chuldurs would’ve killed Rogue immediately upon landing. But mostly, I think that if Rogue pops up next week, going, “Heyyy, I’m back,” it would weaken the emotional impact of this ending. His sacrifice is so tragic and touching because he knew it would be permanent. “Find me” just felt like an excuse not to say “good-bye.”

Ruby forces the Doctor into a hug that he clearly needs. While the Doctor’s strategy is still very much to dull his pain by racing off to another adventure, he also chooses to slip Rogue’s ring back on. Maybe the Doctor’s not ready to chat about his grief, but choosing to wear a physical reminder suggests that he’s at least not going to pretend like it never happened. If it’s any comfort, Rogue may be gone, but he’ll live on forever in the inevitable flood of fanfics this episode will inspire.

• What is it about the Doctor and the Regency era? He also got his heart broken in “The Girl in the Fireplace” with Madame de Pompadour; he can’t catch a break. (Though, can you imagine if Rogue had survived? Ruby would’ve been third-wheeling across all of time and space.)

• Rogue notes that his job has “so much paperwork ever since we got that new boss.” Could be a throwaway line, but I can’t help but remember that the Meep also referenced a mysterious “boss” in the 60th-anniversary specials … do we think that’s got anything to do with The One Who Waits?

• I love the way that Fifteen has slipped “babes,” “baby,” and “honey” into his everyday speech throughout this season. He’s really solidified who this character is.

• All the guest stars had great comedic timing. One of my favorite moments is when the duchess haughtily declares that she is an arbiter of taste, and the housekeeper-Chuldur instantly scoffs, “What? In that dress?”

• Susan Twist shows up as a painting this time, and judging from the preview, we might figure out who this woman is next week. Lock in your last guesses!