Photo: Fred Jagueneau/Bravo
The season finale picks up where we left off last week, with Kerry calling out Ben and Kyle for their messy room during cabin inspections. Ben’s the bosun, which makes this extra unacceptable. Kyle says they just never got around to it, but Kerry’s not having the excuse because he saw Kyle talking with Barbie. The two belatedly clean up to pass Kerry’s approval, and Kerry points out that it only took five or ten minutes and was not hard to do. Now I feel guilty about not cleaning my own room.
Tonight is Beyoncé-themed for primary Michele’s 50th birthday, so Fraser wants the whole crew to dance (not to brag, I predicted this two weeks ago). He choreographs a routine, but it seems to just be walking and krumping when they rehearse. Xandi sends her apologies to Beyoncé in advance. It’s hard to tell how good or bad the performance is with royalty-free music swapped in, but the guests enjoy the energy. These women really nailed the Beyoncé costumes, and Nick’s strawberry birthday cake looks like a great reward.
The interior crew briefly argues over scheduling because Barbie wants to sleep her full eight hours tonight. Xandi says she’s never gotten eight hours, and Barbie shouldn’t get special treatment. Barbie’s also pissed (literally) because she had to pull toilet paper out of a toilet and pee got on her. At the time, I thought this was a meaningless conflict, but little did I know it was all contributing to the powder keg that is Barbie.
The next morning is our final day of charter. Sunny feels proud of herself and her first time as a lead deckhand. Ben apologizes to Kerry about the cabin inspections. Kerry appreciates the apology but is still disappointed. He thinks if someone can’t follow easy orders, he can’t trust them to follow tough ones. Kerry hopes it’s a learning experience for Ben. These cracks don’t show during their last docking, which they say is the best of the six-week season. Six weeks is nothing! Teenagers go to summer camp for longer. They also make it their entire personality for the year, but they’re teenagers. As adults, this season is a blip on the cast’s resumes.
Kerry tells the crew they’ve exceeded his expectations, so I have to assume he had low expectations. The guests leave, prompting Kyle and Ben to immediately start drinking. Kyle helps turn over the boat with a beer in hand. At the tip meeting, Kerry says he hasn’t seen a team work together so well, and now I wonder if he’s being sarcastic. It’s a solid $20,000 tip, bringing the total for the season to $208,750. Dylan’s pumped to invest in more protein and pre-workout.
Before going out for the night, Kyle video chats with his mom and excitedly tells her she might meet Barbie soon. He thinks he’s in love. His mom says she’s welcome to visit. These unsuspecting souls don’t realize they’re in the first act of a horror movie.
The crew goes for dinner at the waterfall, which you may remember from the wedding/vow renewals in episode four. That feels like years ago when, if you can believe it, Barbie liked Jared. Now the venue seems to be a restaurant, and she’s keeping an eye on Kyle’s alcohol intake. Barbie tries to switch his Long Island order to a water. I agree that you should be cut off if you’re ordering a Long Island. They haven’t even eaten yet, and Kyle’s ready to jump in the waterfall. Predictably, Barbie does not want him to. He starts pulling his pants down, but the others stop him before he can moon any unsuspecting diners. Ben and Sunny step away from the group, and Ben asks to take her on a date in Miami. She agrees because she’s a hopeless romantic. “Hopeless romantic” sure does sound a lot sweeter than “ignoring any and all red flags.”
After all the hype, Ben, Dylan, and Kyle go skinny dip in the waterfall. Ben yells, “Get your willy out!” in case anyone is unsure they are naked. Can everyone in this restaurant see and hear them?? Or is it rented out for the show? Either way, Barbie is pissed once again, figuratively this time.
In the car from dinner to a bar, drunken Kyle starts to nod off, but he’s revived by some shots once they get there. Barbie tells him she’s mad: “What the fuck am I asking from you that’s so hard then to cover your huge dick?!” She’s falling in love with him, and he loves her too. He’s sorry for being an idiot. They kiss, restoring a shaky peace. The powder keg is closer to exploding.
In the car back to the boat, everyone’s having a grand old time until Xandi says she would’ve fired Barbie if she were chief stew. This is basically the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, or in this case, Barbie’s character. Historians will interpret Xandi’s comment as the perfect excuse for Barbie to declare war. Barbie says the whole interior was against her, and she only made it through because Kerry believed in her. Xandi clarifies that she was happy Barbie made it through and changed her attitude. They get quiet for a bit, but then the entire car devolves into a yelling match. Xandi starts crying, Paris screams at Barbie to shut up, Fraser and Dylan try to comfort Xandi, and Kyle tells Barbie to relax, which makes Barbie more upset. Xandi and Barbie both want out of the car. Remember when, mere hours ago, Kerry claimed they all got along? In a hilarious cut to the other car, Ben and Sunny make out in the backseat while poor Nick sits in silence to their smooches. At least turn on some royalty-free music.
Back on the boat, Barbie locks her cabin door so Kyle can’t come in. She’s mad he didn’t stand up for her more. She’s sick of everyone, especially him, and tells him to go fuck himself. Barbie yells that she is quitting, which I don’t think is technically possible when the job is already over. She packs up her things, drunkenly planning to go to a five-star resort. She complains, “Nobody here cares about me,” as Nick carries her bags, which is unintentionally pretty funny. I’m shocked her outburst wasn’t an empty threat; she actually leaves in the night. Barbie walks right past Kyle on the dock without saying good-bye. Brutal.
The next and last morning is rough as a badger’s arse, to borrow the phrase from Kyle. Nick wakes up from snoring in the crew mess. I hope he gets that checked out by an ENT. Paris and Xandi eat chips in bed. Xandi wishes things didn’t go down like that with Barbie, but “drunken mouth speaks sober truth.” Kyle tells Ben he got a message from Barbie last night to change his flight — she never wants to see him again. He’s putting on a brave face, but he’s gutted. He thinks he felt more than she did. In less than six weeks, Barbie took him on the steepest, loopiest emotional rollercoaster he’s ever been on.
The scheduled departures and farewells start with the mid-season replacements. Kerry would work with Dylan again and sees his potential. Paris leaves after Dylan and says she’ll especially miss Xandi. Nick says his good-byes, having cheffed only three charters but is as tired as if he worked the whole season.
Ben fills Kerry in that Barbie left last night. Kerry phones Barbie, who says she’s just done and isn’t particularly pleasant to her (now former) boss. She didn’t feel supported, and Kerry acknowledges she never quite fit in. Fraser also didn’t realize Barbie left until the morning but is less diplomatic about it. He thinks she didn’t change one bit and showed her real self now that the job is over. Barbie blesses us with one last complaint: she doesn’t like the hotel she’s in and is trying to switch to a nicer villa.
Soon after, Xandi leaves: “Witch out.” Kyle says his good-byes next. He may have lost the girl, but he still loved the job and the team. Ben checks out with Kerry next, feeling like the deck crew was a success. Kerry tells us he doubts that he’d put Ben as bosun again. Ben may not have won the respect of his boss, but he did win the girl … tentatively. Sunny knows it’s iffy and will protect her heart going forward. The two leave together hand in hand.
Fraser is the last to go. Kerry’s really impressed with how Fraser has grown and turned things around. Is this accurate, or did the season conveniently end before anything else could go wrong? Normally, Kerry’s reads are spot-on, but he’s been off this episode. Fraser says he’s lucky to have had Kerry and is grateful to the captain for rerouting him. He’d rather learn from his mistakes than regret things he’s done. For the record, those are not mutually exclusive options. Kerry’s voiceover closes out the season: “We had some epic highs, and there were some lows [of high school football], but I’d rather just forget about them. But that’s yachting, and I’m grateful for all of it. Oy, that was one hell of an adventure.” It’s been one hell of a pleasure recapping for you all.
• Xandi has nine days off in Miami before returning to her other yachting job. She’s starting to think about land life because she wants to find love and have babies. Xandi leaves with four bags, which seems like enough of a handful for now.
• Paris plans to go back to work the day after they get back. She manages a house and works on a boat once a week.
• Barbie’s going to spend a month at her parents’ house doing nothing. She’ll tell her dad about Kyle … later.
• Dylan got a new job as a chase boat captain. A chase boat is similar to a tender, but it’s more fun to picture him driving a boat for villains in a James Bond-esque chase.
• Nick is “not going to leave the couch for a while.” Same, Nick, same.
