Photo: LIAM DANIEL/NETFLIX
Aww, poor Bridgerton boy, so forlorn over the woman he loves he can’t even enjoy his threesomes anymore! This is the state we come to find Colin “I Guess I’ll Just Watch” Bridgerton at the start of this, our final episode of part one: forced to attend more events in which he has to watch Debling court Penelope and still unable — or unwilling — to express his feelings. And yet, the distractions he’s been choosing as of late are not only not working, he’s realizing that maybe he never really liked them to begin with.
In “Old Friends,” we learn a lot more about why Colin’s been almost physically incapable of admitting he’s in love with Penelope. It isn’t only because they’re friends and this is the first time he’s seeing her in this way. Sure, he’s figuring that part out, but it’s layered in with a whole lot more. A lot of it goes back to that “hot-boy cosplay” we were talking about when Colin first made his return to Mayfair. The winking, the egregious flirting, the too-cool-for-school attitude he was putting on was exactly that — put on. Pen as Whistledown called him out for it, and she is arguably the person who knows him best. Here, we learn that he almost felt like he had to be like that. He wanted to fit in with the other “gentlemen.” We saw him doing it last season when he was making fun of Penelope with them. We see it almost happening again in this episode when he’s out for a drink with them and they’re going on and on about their sexual conquests — Colin almost joins in, but goddamn, he’s so tired of it. He’s tired of pretending like he would prefer to treat women this way instead of being honest about how much he wants to be in love. “The necessity to remain cavalier about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning” exhausts him. He wants to find a wife and love her. He’s a lover, damnit! And he’s only mildly afraid to admit it.
In a later scene with Violet, she illuminates this angst he’s feeling even further. Penelope sees Colin, yes, but let’s not forget that Violet sees her children for who they really are, too. Many times when they don’t even know who they are yet! Violet knows what’s up, and what’s up with Colin is that he’s been protecting himself from getting hurt by putting up walls. She calls him one of her “most sensitive children.” He is always “aware of what others need.” He always wants to help the people he cares about (please see: his stint as the Husband Whisperer). He feels things deeply. Feeling that deeply, giving yourself over to others’ needs that way, can lead to pain. Violet’s not surprised he’s been “putting on armor lately,” but she is worried that if he keeps this act up, he’ll never be able to take it off. It’s like the dude went a little too extreme with the course correction.
Colin can be such a ding-dong, but he clearly has some complex emotions running through that head of his. Well, he needs to sort them out quickly, because things are moving fast at the Featherington House. Debling is calling on Penelope in an official capacity, giving her plants to keep on her beloved windowsill to bring the outdoors in. He’s somehow making the prospect of a practical match instead of a love match kind of cute. See what vegetables can do for you, kids? Debling, who is headed to the Northwest Passage, as one does, will be gone for three years. He is in want of a wife who has a big, full life of her own. He thinks Penelope would be the perfect match. The moment he starts mentioning a proposal, the moment it starts getting real, you can see her realize this means she’ll have to close the door on Colin, the hope of Colin, for real. (For real, she literally looks at him across a room as Debling says it.)
But a proposal — especially from a good man — is everything she wanted from this season, right? Why she went through all the trouble to get a new wardrobe? Why she risked her reputation enlisting Colin’s help? Portia reminds Pen as much after Debling asks Lady F for permission to propose to her daughter. Of course Penelope is going to say yes. Of course she won’t be so stupid as to think she could get a love match. By the time she’s headed to the ball where Debling is sure to pop the question, Penelope seems (almost) resolved to accept her fate.
That means the clock is ticking over at Bridgerton House. Colin, nursing a wicked hangover and an even worse broken heart (aww), informs his mother he won’t be attending the ball that evening. This is the moment we get the aforementioned “armor” tough-love session between Violet and Colin. He hears her, but he doesn’t have much to say, turning around to go upstairs. And that is the exact moment Violet works her mama magic. This woman should teach seminars on how to get your children to admit deep-seated truths to themselves. Did they have a MasterClass Series in 1815? Someone look that up. She casually drops the news that Colin will miss seeing “the fruits of his labor” play out tonight, since it’s all but certain that Lord Debling will be proposing to Penelope at the event. Lady Featherington can’t seem to shut up about it. He can’t help but give himself away a bit, noting how quickly this is all happening. “Likely because of your help,” Violet adds because she is an iconic bish. When she tells him that she hopes he feels better, oh, she knows exactly what she’s doing.
Can we take a minute to talk about how perfectly paced this season of Bridgerton has been thus far? It’s a tough job to keep things interesting when everyone knows the general outcome (Bridgerton isn’t suddenly going to change course and leave its main couple suffering at the end of the season), but these four episodes have played out exactly as you’d want them; a slow enough burn that you are aching for the main characters to get together, but not so slow that you’re angry about it. Everything that’s gone down in these first four episodes has been pushing the chess pieces that are Colin and Penelope closer and closer to this moment where everything is about to explode. You can feel the tension building to a point where it is almost unbearable.
It’s time to shit or get off the chamber pot, and baby, Colin Bridgerton has decided to shit. Wait, there has to be a sexier way of saying that … too late! There’s no time! So much is happening!
Colin arrives at the ball! His dummy friends try to stop him from going in, but he pushes them out of the way. He doesn’t yell, “You’re douchenozzles!” at them while doing so, but you know if he knew what that word was, he totally would.
Inside, we are hurtling toward a proposal. Debling and Penelope take to the dance floor, but something seems off with her and he notices. She just wants to confirm that he really doesn’t think this could ever turn into love down the line. I like Debling, but he’s basically like, Nah, babe, I love my work too much to ever fully love a human, you’re beautiful, just be cool about it, okay? It’s not great, but again, Penelope is trying to be logical here.
Logic flies out the window almost immediately: Colin swoops onto the dance floor and asks to cut in, which in 1815 is basically like him slapping Debling across the face in front of everyone. Penelope is livid. Now, she might not be hyped to marry someone who is adamant they’ll never be in love, but she knows that she could lose her only chance at getting a husband if Colin keeps this up. He tells her that she can’t marry Debling. She tells him she is accepting Debling’s proposal. Now, while all of this is going on, Cressida Cowper has offered to finish the dance with Debling, and she drops some major intel all about how Pen and Colin are the oldest of friends and they live across the street and it’s always something with those two. Debling is basically that meme of that lady with all of those math equations floating around her face. He realizes the reason that Pen sits at that specific windowsill in the drawing room, why she seems to always be looking for Colin, is because there is something there between them.
Debling takes off, and Penelope chases after him. He tells her his theory and she tries to impress upon him that Colin Bridgerton would never, ever have feelings for her. It’s actually so insane of him to suggest it. When he asks about her feelings … well, her face immediately betrays her. He refuses to leave a wife at home for three years if her heart belongs to someone else. I want to be like, Bud, maybe don’t leave your wife for three years, but there simply is not enough time.
Debling is gone. Portia arrives just in time to make Pen feel even worse by reminding her that her mother only seems to care about her when she’s about to get engaged to a lord. Yelling, “What did you do?” at your already-crying daughter is a real choice. But, again, we have no time to work through this fucked-up mother-daughter relationship (I hope we do in part two, because Portia really needs to atone for several things). Penelope flees to her carriage in tears, knowing that everything is ruined.
Colin runs after her. No, like, I mean, my man starts chasing after the carriage, begging her to let him inside. Now, this is a thrilling moment for any Bridgerton fan, but I have to sidebar with my fellow book readers here: Did you too stand up out of your seat at this moment and start yelling, “OH MY GOD WE’RE GETTING THE CARRIAGE SCENE?” Cool, cool, cool, I totally didn’t do that either.
We’re getting the carriage scene.
What follows is a seven-minute scene that delivers everything I was hoping a Polin season would deliver. The whole arc of how this plays out, beat by beat, is just so wonderful and so true to these two characters. From Pen being so angry with Colin and reiterating the fact that she knows it is insane for anyone to think that he could have feelings for her, to Colin getting down on his knees in front of her and giving us that exact moment when he becomes brave enough to ask the question. Him spilling his guts about how he’s been tortured over these feelings, but would never give them up. Her bafflement at the words coming out of his mouth. His retreat when she says, “But we’re friends.” And the look on both of their faces when she finishes her thought: “But I would very much like to be more than friends. So much more.”
And we are off to the races, folks! There’s immediately bared shoulder, so you know it’s serious. There is this relief and this joy that this is happening. Colin moves his hand up Pen’s legs and she nods yes and it is good. We are living. I don’t want to cut away from this, but wow, would I love a quick look at the carriage driver’s face throughout all of this, because you know he can hear everything. Pen and Colin are in their own little world of ecstasy, baby.
As great as the sexy bits are, the best part comes at the end. (Doesn’t it always? Ba-dum-bum!) When the driver alerts them that they’ve arrived at Bridgerton House, and Pen pulls away, the way Luke Newton delivers the “Oh, God, can the carriage driver not keep on driving?” is pitch-perfect. They start to giggle together, and you can see on their faces not just the joy that they are finally here but the this feels so right of it all.
Colin hops out of the carriage — he is a man with an idea. Suddenly, brimming with earnest confidence, he knows exactly what to do. It seems so obvious. And before Penelope can really spiral about what is to happen next, he cuts her off with a perfectly timed, “For God’s sake, Penelope Featherington, are you going to marry me or not?” The squeal I squealed, my friends. The squeal I squealed.
The truly wild part about all of this is that getting to this point, where Colin and Penelope are finally acting on their feelings for each other, is the easy part. Babes, you know Bridgerton is going to drop that Whistledown hammer in part two, and it is going to be messy. Until then, at least we have the carriage scene.
• Much to the queen’s ire, it looks like Francesca is all in on John Stirling, Earl of Kilmartin. How could she not be when he rushes around town to rearrange music to her exact specifications after she complains about its arrangement when they overhear it on the street together?
• Will is adamant that he keep his club. Thankfully, Alice finds a mentor in Lady D, who not only tells her that she needs to show her husband how this new life can be so much better than their old one, but also that the queen is going to raise holy hell if she finds out they aren’t following society rules.
• We still haven’t gotten the full details as to why Lady D dislikes her brother so much. Perhaps it has something with her believing he’s bringing his slutty ways to Mayfair? I don’t know, though — he seems pretty honorable in his continued conversations with Violet.
• We get a closer look at the horrid Cowper House and family dynamic as Lord Cowper not only forbids Cressida from associating with Eloise (Cressida blows off this rule) but declares he is going to marry her off to one of his own friends. Again, the show is going to great lengths to give this character some sort of redemption, and Jessica Madsen does a great job of giving Cressida some pathos, but I don’t think her years of bullying can be wiped away so cleanly.
• Benedict arrives at Tilley’s to court her, but she does not want to be courted. She wants to hop into bed with this guy. And so they do! Several times!
